The Castillian Blog

March Madness Time!

Play THIS BRACKET after the field has been announced tonight. If you are not already signed up from years past, password: belhaven

Also, here's another game of my invention, for those of us that naturally suck at this: March Madness "Golf Style." Play THIS BRACKET and attempt to choose the worst field possible. Low score wins. Password: gonzales

Good luck Castillians!

Labels: Agent Tom, animal antagonists, Best White Trash EVER, Castillian Empire, catfish, Dada, Matthew Gardner

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Japan's only known survivor of both atomic blasts has died

Hiroshima bomb - FAIL
Nagasaki bomb - FAIL
Stomach cancer - GREAT SUCCESS!

Labels: Agent Tom, inter-dimensional cross-rips, too much good stuff, wmd

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And He Went for More Beer

Labels: Agent Tom, beer, drunk Irish ambulation

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Belhaven Homecoming

Just a reminder that Belhaven Homecoming is Nov 5 - 7 this year. Saturday, November 7th will include a party at my house for young alumni. There are rumors that Tom will be there. It is the ten-year for the class of 1999, but anyone from the mid-90s on should feel welcome. Aaron Gentry and Collin Brack are coordinating the Class o' 99 portion (facebook here).

Labels: Agent Tom, Belhaven Homecoming, BU, fun for the whole family, porches, social networking

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Belhaven Moonshine

This from WLBT:

Parts of a whiskey still were found in the woods just east of the Belhaven section of Jackson, west of I-55. It was about 300 yards north of Fortification Street...Edward St. Pe' who owns the nearby Weathervision business said he didn't know about the still but, in his words, "I find it interesting the art of making moonshine is still alive in America today."

You can watch the video here, with Bert Case showing viewers how it worked.

Labels: Agent Tom, Flammable Wood Preservative, The Haven

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Now pregnant women are told: 'It IS safe to drink daily glass of wine'

Just as I've suspected for years. *Moderate* drinking seems to be fine for pregnant women after their first trimester. But instead of explaining all that most doctors just say "DON'T DRINK ANYTHING!!"

The moral of the story: know thyself. If you have the self-control to have one glass and leave it at that then great. If you don't, well, maybe you shouldn't be drinking at all, pregnant or not.

*disclaimer* Agent Tom should not be consumed by pregnant women under any circumstances. In fact, they probably shouldn't even be near it. Or look at it. Or even think about it. One exception can be made for the mother of the Antichrist.

Labels: Agent Tom, road to hell is paved with, the final battle

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Most Frequently Used Tags at The Castillian Blog

Labels: Agent Tom, Blogs, Castillian Empire, fun for the whole family, incessant ghostbusters references, Matthew Gardner, movies, nyc, politics

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Agent Tom: undercover in Vietnam? (At 3 minutes into the video)

Labels: Agent Tom

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In light of Spivey's recent post on the porchsitters union (below): I am ghostwriting a coffee table book on front porches, and my editor and I are looking for some good examples that might make the book. I almost traveled to the Neshoba fair for a colorful side feature, but we couldn't make it. So, this is my official Castillian call for porch ideas. I'm looking for grand and not-so-grand. Porches with interesting features and designs. Porches that get used and not just looked at. We'll even take a few rundown ghetto porches if they have enough voodoo trinkets and bottle trees to make them look, if not nice, then at least used. I'd especially like a nice porch over the Mississippi River and one in the Delta somewhere, looking out over a vast X- and Y-axis of dirt and flat. If you know of these porches - anywhere between New Orleans and Memphis - and can tell them I want to call them and interview them and come visit them and take pictures of their porch, then please let me know. Interesting porches elsewhere are game, too.

Yes, Spivey, I was surprised to find out about the union, too. But organizing seems such a socialistic device. I might go instead with something like the Gentleman's Porch and Dance Club.

Labels: Agent Tom, naked man-children, naked men, naked women, porches, stories better left untold

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YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Labels: Agent Tom, Favorite Hits, Flammable Wood Preservative, Gen Y, Matthew Gardner, road to hell is paved with

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Celebrate Tomorrow

For it is Dos de Mayo. For a recount of the story go here.

Labels: Agent Tom, Castillian Empire, evil, incessant ghostbusters references, road to hell is paved with, the final battle

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Tom Lives

Here is a picture of me and Scott working on a batch of home brew Tuesday night. It would be unremarkable except, you will notice, that while he is pouring in the malt; I am pouring in Agent Tom.

Labels: Agent Tom

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So it looks like there's a giant cloud of space alcohol floating around. It's 300 billion miles across. They say it's not fit for human consumption, but I think they're lying so they can get their greedy scientific hands on it first.

If it could be turned, it would make a valuable addition to the Agent Tom.

Found the link over at Fark.

Labels: Agent Tom

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DAT

Apparently the Japanese have developed what sounds like a digital version of Agent Tom.

Labels: Agent Tom

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So That Ye Might Believe

Agent Tom in front of September 22, 2005's issue of the Rankin Record.

Labels: Agent Tom

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Taking Tom to Task

As a partaker of Aged Agent Tom (May 26, 2000 - the day before my wedding) I must say that his powers have grown with age. Although he did make me feel pretty bad on the day of my nuptials, I must say that I do believe partaking of Tom just before marriage was a powerful spiritual cleansing ritual. I'm thankful that I was in seminary at the time and thus very theologically astute or the purification could have been much, much worse.

To tie two posts here together, I think it would have been very interesting to invite (and by this I mean "force") the Rev. Jackson to imbibe the holy liquid. If Nietzsche's assertion is true (what doesn't kill us makes us stronger) then he would either be very dead or very strong, but strong in a good way. It would be a monumental spiritual and moral transformation. We could put this book in his hands and tell him to have at it, and witness a media frenzy the likes of which we haven't seen since Clarence Thomas' pubes were the nation's buzz. BP: if you ever run across JJ in D.C. - carpe diem!!

Labels: Agent Tom

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How are we supposed to know that this reply to the open letter is really from Agent Tom and not some evil warlord trying to use the Political Unity of el Castillo to gain access to New Orlean's Water of Mass Destruction? I think we need to see a picture posted with Agent Tom wearing a sign that says: "Servant of Father Castillo. Long live the Cock of the Island."

Labels: Agent Tom

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Things are happening too quickly.

The day after my post regarding NOLA water and AGENT TOM, I, along with my wife and Rebecca Fulwood, took a small group of cadets to Jackson to volunteer at a hurricane relief distribution center at the old Super Jitney on Old Canton Road. During our visit, I was toting a palate full of diapers out to a truck when I noticed in my path a giant bus. The bus had been put in my path for its passengers to disembark and also to prevent the work at hand. When I looked up to see who might merit blocking my way, I noticed in front of me a visage of sweat and silk and giant blackness. It was the Reverend Jessie Jackson, come to save me, to save us all.

He was trailed by a circus of Rainbow/PUSH coa-lites who toted signs declaring, "No community left behind." Giving our presence in North Jackson, I wondered what he meant. Who's leaving North Jackson behind? And where are the deserters fleeing toward, Madison?

Just behind me, in the front doors of the grocery store, there in the shadow of this long and stange trip, other palate-toting volunteers began to pile up. We had nowhere to go, nowhere to load our palates, no way of helping not leave communities behind. The Reverend stopped the show and started his own.

Someone said something like, "Everybody knows hurricanes don't like black people." and some white people laughed. And someone else said, "And tornadoes hate white trash," and some more of us laughed. I added, "And sleet doesn't like Jews," but no one laughed.

Anyway, he preached for a while and sweated a little more and so Spivey (who had just arrived) and I went to Back Yard Burgers across the lot to get a drink and chat. So this is the part where the Reverend comes into the restaurant and sits down a few booths behind us and starts stealing chili cheese fries from his home dogs, which is what he did. Then he left, on his way to NOLA.

If he sweats in the New Orleans water, I'll definitely go get some.

Labels: Agent Tom

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A Message from Tom Swift's Heretic Detector and Nuclear Generator Cleansing Agent

As guardian of Agent Tom, I bring to you this message from the sacramental elixir of el Castillo: "Bring it. Bring it on."

HSK: If you are able to procure (I have used this term a lot lately, I prefer "procure" over, say, "loot") a vial of the vile fluid, Agent Tom respectively requests its presence.

Labels: Agent Tom

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An Open Letter to Tom Swift's Heretic Detector and Nuclear Generator Cleansing Agent

Dear Agent Tom,
As you may have heard by now, the city of New Orleans has been inundated with a tide of the most unspeakable liquid filth known to man. The suggestion has been made that this horrific toxic punch be added to your already-antibiologically-powerful formula. None among your many nostalgic ingredients could approach the transcendent foulness of one drop of this awful giant among all matter in its intermediate state. Were it to be suggested that we sprinkle the streets of this once decrepit city (for decrepit fails me now) with the surplus of your mighty cleansing self, I would support it whole-heartedly, even though no heretic or nuclear generator has ever been filled with such decayed blasphemy as now flows freely through the Crescent City's streets. But I urge you to resist at all turns the suggestion that this putrid stew be canonized within your sacred solution. I believe it is a murderous plot to bring about your destruction, and the destruction of the PUEC. Now, we need you more than ever. New Orleans needs you more than ever.

Labels: Agent Tom

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